Biblical Tales Aficionado Gifts

Titanic and Noah's Ark

"When you get a minute, I have some kitchen shelves you can put up."

And on the eigth day god has a blob of clay left over, so he created...

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'Jesus gets flashy'

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'I don't know, son, if Noah was an animal lover. I imagine he started out that way.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

". . . I called this meeting to communicate that I had dinner Noah..."

"And maybe throw in a talking snake to make sure they don't take it literally."

"Two of every known creature on the planet and you forgot the pooper-scooper?"

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

So … how did you two meet?

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'Noah, before you leave we'd like to have a word with you!'

Joseph and his coat

"Remember if anyone there asks... We're all from one household!"

The creation of the duck billed platypus.

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Adam and Eve in Paradise

Moses' TV guide.

"Plagues are old-school – we're going to hit you with sanctions."

'We were hoping You'd just say 'Be fruitful and multiply' again.'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'I ran out of pebbles.'

"I guess that pretty well debunks the fruits and vegetables are good for you myth."

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

Soldier to David about Goliath: 'You did that with a step, a flick and a follow-through? Talk about high impact exercise!'

"We don't see ourselves as either a David or a Goliath. We're content to just be the company that manufactures the sling shots."