Bachelor Pad Captain Gifts

'One moment, and I'll connect you with a service technician.'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Sorry about this, but I really need a rug for my bachelor pad.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

Living comfortably with electric appliances.

The Bachelor Chef TV Show. First, remove last night's pizza from the fridge. Then eat cold for breakfast. Shoot! 29 minutes left to kill.

'You have to lose weight. Stop having intimate dinners for two, when you are not expecting anyone to join you.'

'Have you ever imagined a world without stupid hypothetical questions?'

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

'Let's see what's on the war channel...'

'I'm coping.'

'Great. Now I'm going to have cat breath.'

'Just did a couple of laps around the pool.'

'Stand back.'

'Hey, would you mind stirring your Ovaltine somewhere else?!'

Amoeba mitosis Divorce

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

'Just so long as it doesn't lead to Math tests in church.'

'Is that a satellite photo?'

Virtual reality mirror.

'crackle snap crackle pop.'

'My owner is a bachelor. May I have a human bag?'

'Uh, i'll pass.'

'No. We're having too much fun playing in the box.'

"That's it?"

'What's the old saying...'

'Sure. That's why I wear open-toed sandals.'

'I bought my dream home, it's a bachelor suite.'

'Your giant zit keeps staring at me!!'

"And this is where I met your mum."

'It's over there behind the...'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

'Do you think she'll notice?'

'The carnival has a company car.'