New Bachelor Pad Gifts

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'Sorry about this, but I really need a rug for my bachelor pad.'

'...Please stop the...'

Living comfortably with electric appliances.

The Bachelor Chef TV Show. First, remove last night's pizza from the fridge. Then eat cold for breakfast. Shoot! 29 minutes left to kill.

'Have you ever imagined a world without stupid hypothetical questions?'

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

'Great. Now I'm going to have cat breath.'

'Dang.'

'Let's see what's on the war channel...'

Amoeba mitosis Divorce

'Slow and hurl.'

'Remember, kids never over inflate your water wings.'

Bachelor Cake

"Living Alone - It's just plain fun!"

'I'm coping.'

'One moment, and I'll connect you with a service technician.'

"MY dad says that a man calls himself a bachelor until he gets married. Then he calls himself a bl**dy fool."

'Tele-barketer.'

'Dang! Six more hours.'

'Just so long as it doesn't lead to Math tests in church.'

'Will you be dining alone tonight, Sir?'

'Okey-doke,'

'What's the special?'

'Is that a satellite photo?'

'crackle snap crackle pop.'

'Uh, i'll pass.'

Cult films!

'This could be a new record!'

'Your giant zit keeps staring at me!!'

'Dang! I have this nagging feeling that I forgot something.'

Deformed and damaged.

'You just go out on the lot and mark the tree you want.'