Bachelor Pad Expert Gifts

'Great. Now I'm going to have cat breath.'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

'Sorry about this, but I really need a rug for my bachelor pad.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

"He walked in, said he was a visiting scholar, and made himself at home."

Living comfortably with electric appliances.

"Before we take you up to the ship, we need to examine the contents of your bag."

The Bachelor Chef TV Show. First, remove last night's pizza from the fridge. Then eat cold for breakfast. Shoot! 29 minutes left to kill.

'Have you ever imagined a world without stupid hypothetical questions?'

Amoeba mitosis Divorce

'One moment, and I'll connect you with a service technician.'

'Let's see what's on the war channel...'

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

"I'd love to, but I have a million lonely ritualistic things I need to do."

'Just so long as it doesn't lead to Math tests in church.'

'Is that a satellite photo?'

'Uh, i'll pass.'

"How did you come to the conclusion that some people are better suited for single life?"

'I bought my dream home, it's a bachelor suite.'

'What's the old saying...'

"That's it?"

'Is my job performance review over yet?'

'Here y'go.'

'Hey, what happens in vegans,stays in vegans.'

'-just send us where the Page 3 girls go!'

Fart, barf, cough.

'The carnival has a company car.'

'Do you think she'll notice?'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

'I'm going to go get these carolers some egg nog.'

'Wet.'

'I'm back in my skinny jeans!'

'No offense, but this is a heck of an excuse for a bachelor pad.'

Bachelor Paddock.

"Hope you understand, Ed. Times are tough and the cake with the dancing woman inside was REALLY expensive."