Aspiring Memoirist Gifts

"Where do I see myself in five years? Living off the royalties of the tell-all book I will write."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

"What made you start blogging about success?"

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'