Aspiring Autobiographer Gifts

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"A court appointed attorney is nice, but how about a book ghost writer, so I can cash in on my life story?"

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

"What made you start blogging about success?"

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

"Right here's the problem, apparently you have a novel in you"

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

'Your novel has an up-to-the-moment breaking news quality. We intend to publish it in 2012.'

"I fell I have a great novel me."

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'On Company Time: A Novel'