Aspiring Authors Gifts

'I realize that you're upset that Oprah hasn't reviewed your new book on her show. But you are on MY show, so why don't you tell us what inspired you to write 'Overcoming Disappointment and Resentment.''

"In addition to robbing you, I'm also doing research for a novel."

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

"What made you start blogging about success?"

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'