Aspiring Bestseller Gifts

"My latest book has so far failed to make a dent in any of their charts, e-book or normal."

Miriam, the Anti-Muse: 'Isn't there a program that'll write a best seller for you? Then you'd have more time to clean out the basement...'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

What else is there to wish for?

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"What made you start blogging about success?"

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"