Aspiring Novelist Gifts

'I figured if you liked the first paragraph I'd go ahead and finish the book.'

'Reading this grant proposal, I conclude that you must have gotten an A in creative writing.'

"It hasn't been published yet. Bloody idiots wouldn't recognize a great book if it jumped up and bit them on the ass."

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'You know I think I may have a book in me.' 'I think I have a library in me.'

Husband tells wife she'll never make it as a writer, as she has no imagination, while she's busy writing a scenario about her dream husband and dream life.

Manuscripts.

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'Hey, you didn't tell me whether or not you liked my manuscript.'

" 'No More School: A Dream Unfulfilled,' by Howard Willocoski."

"Where do you come up with your rationalizations for not writing?"

"I'm only writing fake product reviews until I find someone to publish my novel."

"The doctor said he'd write a prescription for you as soon as he completes his literary degree."

"Congratulations! Your manuscript was the one-millionth personal memoir submitted to us this year."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Me? Actually I'm a writer. . . Well, er, at the moment it's mainly job applications.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Unpublished novelists of the world unite!

'Here's the first copy. We only printed 1000 copies of your book.'

'I just wrote a novel on this phone and sent it to 137 publishers and got back 129 rejections in 12 seconds.'

The Bestseller.

'I've journalled and I've workshopped, but I've never booked.'

Bill only wrote about what he knew. Unfortunately, Bill knew very little.

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

Mother reading baby 'How to write your first novel'

'It's beautifully written, however we need big-ass coffee table books.'

'The only sales of your book so far are from protesters burning it.'

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

'Your Honor, my client wants a lengthy period of solitary confinement... he wants to write a novel.'

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."

"Your book is selling well in drug stores, right next to the sleeping pills."

"It cost me $39.99. It's 500 blank pages and a pen."