Novelist Wannabe Gifts

"I could get knocked down by a bus tomorrow..."

"I need some help to write my self-help book..."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

The DaVinci Code

Victor Hugo

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Jean-Paul Sartre

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Honoré de Balzac

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Gunter Grass

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

Iris Murdoch