Literary Genius Wannabe Gifts

'Well, it is the complete works of Shakespeare all right, however this pig is claiming he wrote it.'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Bookworm Sleepover

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

The Proust of Twitter

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Emily Dickinson Rebooted

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

"What made you start blogging about success?"

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

"Isn't it obvious? I'm writing the great American graphic novel."