Literary Talent Gifts

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

Victor Hugo

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

The Proust of Twitter

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

"I got those famous last words you wanted"

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Sid Sinatra.

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

Hold for one more page, then roll over into the bended elbow, resting chin pose. Book yoga.

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

Who's torturing a crow? I'm practicing my play. It's art! Which opens your mind to life's important questions. Right. Like what is art? Or do we need little brothers?

"This is my own arrangement...of a song I wrote...about me."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."

Writer's Block Party

T. S. Eliot

Spike Milligan

"Do I take drugs? Hey man, you hum it and I'll sing it"

Writing For Dummies Books For Dummies.

"See - that's how he's able to write all those plays."

'The music business.'

The Poet.

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Creative Writing 101. When it comes to writing lean, simple prose, there's the wrong way, the right way and the Hemingway.