Literary Superstar Gifts

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

"Do me next."

Victor Hugo

Honoré de Balzac

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

J. R. R. Tolkien

The Proust of Twitter

"Everybody gets a raise."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

Jorge Luis Borges

"I'm in children's books, myself."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

Zora Neale Hurston

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

Christopher Isherwood

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

Hold for one more page, then roll over into the bended elbow, resting chin pose. Book yoga.

Stephen King

Samuel Beckett

'My blog has been favourited over half a million times but still no book deal!'

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

J. D. Salinger

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Edgar Allan Poe

'This is going really well. I did a great job organizing this lecture.'

"I feel bad about Nora Ephron's neck."