Literary Hero Gifts

"Every day, thousands of manuscripts are abandoned by the side of the road and left to perish. Won't you help?"

"Do me next."

"He was a very good boy."

Honoré de Balzac

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

'He's not as studious as he looks - his backpack is full of comic books.'

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

The Proust of Twitter

Nervous Oral Testing

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

'What have you got for the man who knows everything?'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Jorge Luis Borges

"I'm in children's books, myself."

'Right so lets be clear, when you said my book was a turgid reworking of a sad collection of hackneyed ideas you actually meant that it was a groundbreaking work of originality and genius...'

If the Brontë sisters wrote science fiction

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

It was then that Cervantes was inspired.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"It's such a nice day. Why don't you go outside and plagiarize something?"

"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Edgar Allan Poe

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.