Aspiring Genius Gifts

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

How to win 'Genius Grants' for dummies.

'I love you and your father loves you. Now go paint a masterpiece.'

"He may be a child prodigy, but it's still a lousy C.V."

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

What else is there to wish for?

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

'How about a toast to my breakthrough?!'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

The Idea of America.

Children's Imagination

A push in the right direction: 50c.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Top Ten Hit

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

One day, he hoped to hit the big time.

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

"I've made a fortune as a successful artist! I couldn't see this happening if I became a soldier or a worker..."

Books: Self-Improvement Just keeping up with Joneses.

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

"That'll be the day!"

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

'Oh Rats! I can't be creative with a box of flat crayons!'

"I've been an emerging artist for ten years now..."