Aspiring Auteur Gifts

Chairs read 'Director (movie)' and 'Director (sycophantic DVD extras)'.

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

"Oh, don't mind that, it's just my body of unseen work."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

'I really wanted to only take accounting courses, but my parents made me take this cartooning class so I would have something to fall back on.'

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"What made you start blogging about success?"

Children's Imagination

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

Brian, I hope you're taking this seriously.

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"Right here's the problem, apparently you have a novel in you"