Aspiring Autobiographers Gifts

"It's an oughtobiography...."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"We don't have to worry about being quiet until we're old enough to read that sign."

'It's Dick Cheney's biography.'

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"What made you start blogging about success?"

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

A push in the right direction: 50c.

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

"Whoops - I Accidentally Pressed 'Elevator Pitch.'"

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

'Actually, the entire novel is a metaphor of me getting rich from the movie rights.'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"Right here's the problem, apparently you have a novel in you"

"I fell I have a great novel me."

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

"This X-Ray proves conclusively that you don't have a book in you."