Aspiring Memoirist Mugs

"Where do I see myself in five years? Living off the royalties of the tell-all book I will write."

I should be a writer when I grow up...

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"I try to write a little bit every day."

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

It was my story. A murder mystery. A who-done-it-and-got-away-with-it-until-he-wrote-about-it.

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

I'm writing the Great American novel, one bill at a time.

"This is a hell of a way to start a magazine."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'Publshing Books for Dummies.'

"What made you start blogging about success?"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

'I can't promise you a best seller but I can give you fifteen minutes of fame.'

"A major crime publisher is interested in publishing your homework!"

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"It's a coming-of-middle-age story."

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

'Be gentle with me, it's my first novel.'