Memoirist In Training Gifts

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Display of political memoirs books categorized as: 'Non-fiction,' 'Fiction,' and 'Pure Fantasy'.

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

Super Bowl Halftime Show Barbra Streisand reads from her memoir.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

"Its my letter of resignation. I also turned it into a memoir."

"You're not going anywhere, young man, until you probe and release your catch!"

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"Simon, I'm not really interested in your juvenilia."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

'You understand, of course, that my memoirs must be written in ELITE type.'

'I want a scurrilous biography. If it was good enough for Getty, it will be good enough for me.'

'I've read your manuscript-it's a miracle you survived all the booze, sex, and drugs while on your world tour, but are you sure you want it published during an election year senator?'

'That's right...his appendix...and it's pure dynamite! Don't you see? It'll be the ultimate insider celebrity memoir!'

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

Eva Schloss

"My report on summer vacation. . . Book and movie rights are available for $1000 each."

Woman at bookshop counter says: 'The Political Memoirs Wing is through there.'

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

My memoirs - 'I've character assassinated the target.'

"Sorry, but your personal life story just isn't very original."

Wait Brian! You forgot the little Airbus chapter!

'The toughest things to deal with are a new, charismatic opponent and a former colleague's memoirs.'

"Oh, it's not a baby book, it's his memoirs."