Memoirist Gifts

'I'm writing my memoirs. Can you remember what we've been doing for the past forty years?'

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

I'm currently working on my autobiography. Would you care to help make page 327 interesting?

I'm finishing my memoirs. There's a chapter about us. What us? There was never any us. It's just a memoir. I have some artistic license. Do you want to be my wife or just my doting longtime girlfriend? Some people can't stand seeing their lives in print.

Rudy, I loved your memoir. It was fascinating. The way you overcame huge odds to invent the computer. How you went on to protect us from government surveillance. You know none of it's true. The way you swore yourself to humility. People so want to believe a good story.

'Oh, I'm just writing a tender memoir or my long ago affair with J.F.K...it's filled with pathos and sad wishful longing...'

Sarah: 'My dream is to be elected, then quit the presidency, so my staff and ghost can rewrite my memoirs...'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

I figured out how we can pay for the kids' college tuitions. Do tell. I'm going to leave for a year of self-discovery, which I will chronicle in a best-selling memoir. Oh, but

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Display of political memoirs books categorized as: 'Non-fiction,' 'Fiction,' and 'Pure Fantasy'.

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Super Bowl Halftime Show Barbra Streisand reads from her memoir.

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

Fifty Shades of Gray

'He tells me there's one chapter of his memoir titled, 'My Likeable Master'.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"They called me Dumbo. A memoir of redemption."

'The end. Well, time for bed. What are you writing?'

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

'You understand, of course, that my memoirs must be written in ELITE type.'

Eva Schloss

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

Woman at bookshop counter says: 'The Political Memoirs Wing is through there.'

'I want a scurrilous biography. If it was good enough for Getty, it will be good enough for me.'

'That's right...his appendix...and it's pure dynamite! Don't you see? It'll be the ultimate insider celebrity memoir!'

'I've read your manuscript-it's a miracle you survived all the booze, sex, and drugs while on your world tour, but are you sure you want it published during an election year senator?'

Andrea Leadsom's memoirs

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

My memoirs - 'I've character assassinated the target.'

Vanity Publishing.

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography