Storyteller In Training Gifts

"'What I Did on My Summer Vacation,' by special arrangement with the New Jersey State Police."

'That's nothing son: You should have seen me blowing down the little pigs' houses...'

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

"Simon, I'm not really interested in your juvenilia."

'Hey, Mom! -- You want to hear a dirty story?'

'You're doing a play in kindergarten?'

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

"Miss Lopez said she wanted the best student in class to stand up and read their English essay. Then she asked me to do it!"

"My report on summer vacation. . . Book and movie rights are available for $1000 each."

Shepherd and eurydice

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Edgar Allen Poe

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Cow in love'