Airport Joke Collector Gifts

'Yep, another set of incisors that are too sharp for security regulations. You'll need to wear a muzzle during the flight, ma'am.'

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

The Problem with the TSA

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Baggage Reclaim

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

'Oh no, I've been clamped!'

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

Security Guards Escort Cupid Away

Airport Pickups: Mr. Baines, Vinny and Daisy.

Carr. Smith. Pepper Oni. Gate.

Revealing Airport Security

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

'If she bites, you've got 18 seconds to suck the poison out,'

Steam Roller

ACE Airlines. Ask about our frequent flier bonus plan. I think it's nice of the airlines to give frequent fliers a free ticket to anywhere. They can go get their luggage.

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

Excess Baggage: You are old enough to remember when folks got all dressed up to travel.

Dog scan.

Baggage Claim. Miller. Lee. Anyone who knows how to hot wire a car.