Airport Joke Collector Mugs

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

The Problem with the TSA

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

Baggage Reclaim

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

'Oh no, I've been clamped!'

Revealing Airport Security

Airport Pickups: Mr. Baines, Vinny and Daisy.

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

'If she bites, you've got 18 seconds to suck the poison out,'

Steam Roller

"The shoes."

Dog scan.

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

Excess Baggage: You are old enough to remember when folks got all dressed up to travel.