Adult Film Industry Worker Gifts

Stormy Weather

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

Tom Hanks

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

Moulin Rouge Security

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"Your motivation is that you're a dog and it's food."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

Hollywood Breakup

Stunt lemmings.

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"Jessica has an idea about going to the beach that she'd like to pitch you."

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Lord of the Rings IV.

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

Hollywood or bust!

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

Welcome to Hollywood

Casting Director

Restraining orders from the stars.

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"When you think about it, you have to be a complete idiot not to believe aliens crashed at Roswell in 1947." "Before 1947: primitive cars, planes, and radio. After 1947: space ships, quantum computing, internet." "Let me try... Before 1947: no bikinis. After 1947: bikinis." "No, wait... The bikini was 1946. That throws this whole theory into question." "We really should have our own science show."

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."

"He's the exception: a fly on the wall who made it big in blockbuster movies."

Melanie Griffith

Jennifer Lawrence