Adult Film Industry Insider Gifts

'Dirty, lesbian, whore, bitch, gang bangs turned out to be Finding Nemo!'

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

Supermarket Merge

Lord of the Rings IV.

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"Abra-Viagra."

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

'And who are you wearing?'

"I'm not sure if the audience is ready to embrace you in a romantic comedy."

'The music business.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

The Unbearableness of Being Inanimate

Quentin Tarantino

Antonio Banderas

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"It's always 'Get me a Godzilla type,' never 'Get me Godzilla!'"

'I thought Jennifer Anniston made a new movie but after seeing it I'm pretty sure they just keep playing the same one every other year.'

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

'Anthony Hopkins will be offered the role of Saddam Hussein in a new Jessica Lynch movie.'

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'

The Murdochs '. . . Wendi, this channel'snot plugging any newscorp interests!'

Loyal Opposition