Adult Film Industry Insider Gifts

'Hey, Charlie, have we got good news for you!'

Enterpe, Terpsichore, Calliope, and Bernie, their agent.

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

'The global economy supplies basic tools. A lot of us get the axe.'

"You know that kid that submitted a screenplay to us on the back of a restaurant menu? I'm passing on it. I like the screenplay, but I hate that restaurant."

'And who are you wearing?'

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

"My lawyer doesn't trust my agent who doesn't trust the director who doesn't trust the screenwriter who doesn't trust me. All perfectly normal."

"I got another callback. My agent says it's between me and the guy who's going to get it."

"Abra-Viagra."

"I'm not sure if the audience is ready to embrace you in a romantic comedy."

'The music business.'

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

'We've decided to call off our go-slow.'

"It's always 'Get me a Godzilla type,' never 'Get me Godzilla!'"

"Manufacturing will take place in China, R&D in Korea, customer support will be run from Mumbai and logistics handled in Vietnam."

"I guess the German takeover was successful."

Ghost Porn

'Acme Meat - meat products, bi-products, and bi-product spinoffs...'

'Anthony Hopkins will be offered the role of Saddam Hussein in a new Jessica Lynch movie.'