Adult Film Industry Professional Gifts

Will Porn for Food

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"We can stop entertaining ourselves now, Ian."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Derek and Clive (Dudley Moore and Peter Cook).

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

Sid Sinatra.

'We don't know what the final result will look like, but the movie rights have already been optioned.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

'The Final Merger'

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

Casting Director

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

'And who are you wearing?'

"I see you do all your own stunts."

"In this business the ball takes funny bounces. I got you a recording contract."

"They say she's gone completely Sundance."

Trump commissions song

Actors getting married. 'Best supporting man'

"A P.R. Intern Named Salome with the Head Shot of John the Client."

"Abra-Viagra."

Note to self: Call lawyer, ask if he has any experience with charges of treason. What's lawyer got to do … got to do with it … What? What are you doing? Tina Turner. My second favorite singer, after Clay Aiken. She's amazing. I investigated every single one of her concerts. Good times. Wanna see my Tina Turner tattoo? I'm not a Russian spy!! What is this, 1985?! Good year. Tina was in "Mad Max" that year.

"You're going out there an annoying, mannered girl, but you're going to come back an indie queen."

"I can sleep late, but, as his agent, I still get ten percent of the worm."

"Remember, Kimberly, I'm more than your agent. I'm your mother."

'Which way to the 'Waterworld' exhibit?'

'Are you okay, Bill?'

Quentin Tarantino

HornyWood

"Your case has been turned down by Oprah, but we're appealing to Sally Jessy Raphael."