Adult Film Producer Gifts

"For a living? I make pornographic films. Your daughter didn't tell you?"

The future of adult films.

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Herman Mankiewicz

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Film Festival. Events. Screenings. Ernie attends these festivals in costume. He's gone over to the dork side!

'Being a superhero doesn't mean that everything about me is super you know!'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

Brad Pitt

This side is the gag reel.

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

'Action!...Cut!...Right, everything else is CGI'

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Jimmy Cagney.

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Which part are you reading for?"

"I think I should tell you, I'm CGI."

'We're the first film ever in HD 3-D DOUBLE D!'

George Clooney Machine

Film Star Robert de Niro

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

Hollywood producer.

'Poor Americans...If this includes intellectual torture, they'll have to cancel 70 of their Hollywood productions...' (Caption may be modified.)