Entertainment Industry Worker Gifts

Chef uses Harp to cut Sausages

"First you must see Dr. Ta, and then you must see Dr. Ra Ra, and after that you may see Dr. Boom T. Ay."

A panhandler with a sign that reads "I'll never work in this town again!".

Stunt lemmings.

"It's a long-term strategy to make them lazy and complacent first."

"When you think about it, you have to be a complete idiot not to believe aliens crashed at Roswell in 1947." "Before 1947: primitive cars, planes, and radio. After 1947: space ships, quantum computing, internet." "Let me try... Before 1947: no bikinis. After 1947: bikinis." "No, wait... The bikini was 1946. That throws this whole theory into question." "We really should have our own science show."

Hospitality industry turning to casinos.

'Stephen Fry's not on.'

What a complete non-entity c-list has-been...

'I'm sorry I don't date during sweeps week.'

Equity Table Dance Club

"...but after they hired Vanna White instead of me things really got interesting."

Celebrity PR agency.

At the celebrity jobcentre...

Hollywood

"Forget the harps, we can spend Eternity in there."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Mum, I got the job!"

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

Moulin Rouge Security

"We need to sue, claiming free speech is being violated by remotes with fast forward buttons."

"I love being your agent, Nick, but the guys making the really big bucks now are the managers. Let me be your manager."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Sid Sinatra.

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Derek and Clive (Dudley Moore and Peter Cook).

The GODFATHER Ride 25¢

'Therapy in L.A.'

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"That's the Bronco Whisperer. He'll have that wild stallion broken in a day or two."

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"Er. . . anything else?"