Young Worrier Gifts

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

A Hole in the Dike

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

'Being a nobody isn't so bad...You don't have to worry about becoming a has-been.'

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

Separation Anxiety

'Ten things you should be worried about.'

A poem: With daylight's shift, winter draws near...

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

'He heard the question, Reverend. He's sleeping on it.'

"The cause of your illness is the approaching winter."

"What do you mean 'no way'?"

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

No Action Comics

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'

"I can't believe school starts next week. The first math exam is gonna be a killer! Then in six weeks, report cards! I'll probably be grounded!"

"Whoa! That's a little clingy."

Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

'I can't relax _ I'm worrying about your watch being five minutes slow !'

'If you don't stop worrying...you're going to die.'

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

Full Harvest Moon

"And do you John, despite the mountain of statistical evidence showing it ain't gonna happen, promise to stick by your woman?"

"How much worse?"

"Well, we've done it, Sandy . . . we hit the 'cold snap tri-fecta:'. . ."

'Just taking precautions in case the plumber doesn't come before the house sinks!'

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers