High School Worrier Gifts

"I can't believe school starts next week. The first math exam is gonna be a killer! Then in six weeks, report cards! I'll probably be grounded!"

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

I hate monday mornings.

Typical...the weather is lousy all week...then on the weekend it's too sunny to work.

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I bought winter tyres and it didn't snow.'

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

Weather reporter feels guilty every time it rains.

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

"With rain in nearly every forecast, probably because of global warming, you know what's coming...so officially, we are now News & Sports at Six."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'I'm convinced I've got page 68 of my medical dictionary, doctor!'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"Hurry up and pick that lock. I'm hungry and it's freezing out here."

No Action Comics

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

'Talk about being scared straight...I just found out that being held back a grade is not an urban myth.'

'Panic over...it's not mumps just high blood pressure.'

"I think whatever's going to happen next has already happened."

"I hear that march is coming in like a lineman and out like a lamb...I just wanted to be prepared."

'You're a hypochondriac.' 'Yes, Doctor, but am I a healthy hypochondriac, or a sick hypochondriac?'

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"The weatherman said it was important to stay cool but now I've got my foot stuck in the butter."

"They told me to consult with a doctor before beginning an exercise program."

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"