Math Worrier Gifts

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Well, I can't figure it out either. Do we know anyone that can help us with math homework?"

'But do you realize what this report cart will do to my self-esteem?'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

"If you're so worried about the effect of your mobile phone on your sperm count maybe you should just use it less!"

"I know there's safety in numbers, but I suffer from enochlophobia: Can you help me?"

The Circle.

'He spent yesterday being briefed on the threats from a cyber attack...'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

'Talk about being scared straight...I just found out that being held back a grade is not an urban myth.'

"Learning percentages has made me realize there's a 50% chance I'll flunk math."

Energy Bills

'Have you seen the financial pages?' - 'Yes, things are going to get a lot worse before the get worse.'

The End of Economic Stimulus is Near!

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

"My only hope is that they eventually drop math from the curriculum."

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"I can't believe school starts next week. The first math exam is gonna be a killer! Then in six weeks, report cards! I'll probably be grounded!"

Credit Crunch.

'If my grades don't improve, I don't know what'll happen. Maybe they'll offer me a buyout.'

"My arthritis lets me know when it's going to rain, and my acid reflux lets me know when a stock market storm is rolling in."

"My dad's going to be upset about that "D" on my research paper. He worked all night on it."