Witty Viewers Gifts

"Ooooohhh, now that's what I call a piercing."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Paper Boy

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"Inactivists"

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

'This is a no rise office.'

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

Why can't you use the brains God gave you? Oh, shoot, I think this is Bob's.

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"By the time we can marry in all fifty states, we'll probably be divorced."

'We think Rome was built at night sir, because last week you told us that Rome wasn't built in a day!'

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

'Can you give me a few minutes, Waiter? I can't run on a full stomach.'

People with anything valuable to say rarely become orators.

'You say you saw my client do it. OK, but what if the jury doesn't believe you? Try to think outside the witness box.'

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

Under Canvas

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

"You think you have it bad? I look like this and I don't know anything about technology."

One Way/Two Ways.

Mechanics price list.

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

"Is it a witty and insightful exploration of the zeitgeist of 'boundaries' or is it in fact, the way out?"

'I should warn you - all our 'non-loaded' funds are alcohol free.'

The hardest instrument to play second fiddle.

'You give me flintstones. If great light climbs up sky again tomorrow, I keep stones. If great light don't climb up sky, you lose stones.'

"I used to have a good head for business. Then I went and got married."

"You've put on weight."

He wouldn't be up there is he had just kept his mouth shut.