Witty Humor Fans Gifts

'M...E...N...S...U...H.'

'A cheeky red?'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"I love this time of year."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

"It doesn't look much like a 'witty painting' now, does it sir?"

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Make your own bottled water.

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

Spiv

"The Loyalty Card program has changed. Management now requires you to get a Loyalty Forehead Tattoo of the bar's logo."

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."

Privatization and Deregulation are the gas in the engine of the economy.

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

Is this your father, little guy? No, lady, my father is a libel attorney, and you'll be hearing from him.

Yeti/Not Yeti

Under Canvas

"I seriously doubt that's going to count."

Tom Bowler

"Can I have a knife and fork, please."

"Hey, David...what's a five letter noun for someone I couldn't live without...oh yeah, kitty!"

'Dear Oscar, such a dry sense of humour.'

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"Why did we buy such huge furniture?"

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

Advertising makes you crave things you never knew existed.

'Say, aren't you the building inspector who gave us such a hard time when we were building a house last year?'

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

"I came here because my photography work is suffering - everybody on social media says they love my abstract pictures. The problem is, I do landscape pictures."