Witty Humor Fan Gifts

"Sorry kids, since my freezer's broken, if you want ice cream it only makes sense for me to charge you milkshake price."

'You shepherds are all alike!'

Drive-ins have G-rated movies and R-rated cars.

Penny for the Guy

Sheet Music

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trump Poutine

A Golden Non-Retriever

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'More government surveillance!'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

How men process questions.

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."