Witty Humor Fan Gifts

"Sorry kids, since my freezer's broken, if you want ice cream it only makes sense for me to charge you milkshake price."

'You shepherds are all alike!'

Drive-ins have G-rated movies and R-rated cars.

Penny for the Guy

Sheet Music

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Trump Poutine

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'I've got no problem with December, but what do I blog about the rest of the year?'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

'More government surveillance!'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

The Thinker?

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''