Satirical Humor Fan Gifts

"Comparing lawyers to doctors. Lawyers only rob you. Doctors rob you and kill you."

'We can offer Volunteers a range of experiences including exhaustion, emotional overload, lack of support and stark terror.'

"I see no problems. We can get lots more of these houses in.."

"Karl! What happened?"

Once again, the conversation gets too heated, and the selection of a state muffin has to be shelved until next year.

"You know what I like about power? It's so damn empowering."

'I don't care about your stinking study. This time, it better not be the placebo.'

A Con-artist offering brain scans to the public from his flatbed scanner.

"Scram!"

The Shop-at-Home Channel's Lowest-rated Show:The Insurance Hour.

The Equal Opportunities Interview Process.

'It's four years old and every time I got a letter of recall, I removed that part and sent it to the factory.'

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"..and now I'll pointlessly show you the isobar map as usual."

Polar bears attacked by lions.

'I just read the food label. That's why I decided to eat the package instead.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

Starbucks gets a radio station; "Funny, whenever I listen to this station I get a craving for a caramel frappuccino."

"Your cholesterol is too high. How often do you have eggs?"

Children's Books for the New Era

"There's an INDICATION that we MAY be looking at the POSSIBILITY of a POTENTIAL partial recovery over the SHORT or LONG term ...But I wouldn't want you to hold me to that!"

'Sometimes, I think that men imagine us smarter than we really are...What on earth does that mean?...'

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

joey has forgotten his 45

'Just because you're the lowest scum of the Earth, a complete misfit of society, a smalltime worthless punch, doesn't mean I won't give you a fairy trial.'

"How that relates to the Social Security debate baffles me, Senator. But, since you ask, I'm nude from the waist down."

"The drug has, however, proved more effective than traditional psychoanalysis."

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

"Which is the best variety for sitting around and eventually rotting because you don't even like apples, you just wanted to do something 'fallish'"?

'No, your eyes are perfect, but fake glasses would sure make you look smarter.'

'Finally, I want to stress once again that the supposed pressure by the sponsors is merely an inventions of the media,'

Toll Bridge: Cash/Tokens/No Cash or Tokens.

'My message is always consistent depending upon which special interest group I'm pandering to.'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

"This is the kind of socialist wasteland that Bernie Sanders wants to turn America into."