Satirical Comic Fan Gifts

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

'Well, I'm lost. NURSE! MY GPS!'

'NO. Tobacco plants do NOT count as one of your 5 vegetable portions'

Focus Group Failures

'We're a very conservative company, we don't hire anyone with a liberal arts degree.'

'I don't teach mine about the Bill of Rights any more -- it makes them too unruly.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

Convict says: ' I got involved with mortgage fraud ... just as the market started to fall.'

This guy has no heart! Why didn't someone tell me he's an insurance company lobbyist?

'Tell the Doctor I'm canceling. Tom Cruise says there's no real reason I should be here and that's good enough for me!'

"I'll need you to accompany me to the morgue."

'I need a spiritual pick-me-up, Dawkins. Send in an accomplished butt-kisser.'

'Poor girl - she's suffering from terminal underfunding.'

"We love the work you're doing, but being a big, greedy corporation, we'd like you to do it for less money."

I think I should point out Madam, we produce beauty aids not miracle drugs.

"No offence Jon, but..."

A terrifying alignment of bad omens, or 'just plain coincidence'? You be the judge!

"My wife left me and ran away with someone else..."

"What do you think of our new offering buckets Preacher?"

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

"I have a rich and generous son who wants to contribute to the heavenly fund."

"Well, your getting the death penalty certainly won't be doing my practice any favors, thank you very much."

Finally Debt Free

'I can't believe they're allowing domestic surveillance!', 'Hey, they're just giving government back to the peephole!'

Viktor Orban Tested Negative

Renewed calls for GP 'black alert' system amid workload spike

"God, I'll never eat another hot dog again after seeing how they're made!"

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"That yob's putting his dirty feet on my bed!"

'Hey who approved all this stimulus money for basketball arenas.'

'...and if your symptoms disappear within three weeks, I'll get a large grant.'

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

"We're safe now. The pandemic is over."

"The feedback on your administrative skills and box ticking potential is excellent. Now we just need to work out what you actually do!"