Satirical Comic Fan Pillows

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

'Well, I'm lost. NURSE! MY GPS!'

'NO. Tobacco plants do NOT count as one of your 5 vegetable portions'

Focus Group Failures

'We're a very conservative company, we don't hire anyone with a liberal arts degree.'

'I don't teach mine about the Bill of Rights any more -- it makes them too unruly.'

Convict says: ' I got involved with mortgage fraud ... just as the market started to fall.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

This guy has no heart! Why didn't someone tell me he's an insurance company lobbyist?

'I need a spiritual pick-me-up, Dawkins. Send in an accomplished butt-kisser.'

"No offence Jon, but..."

I think I should point out Madam, we produce beauty aids not miracle drugs.

"We love the work you're doing, but being a big, greedy corporation, we'd like you to do it for less money."

'Poor girl - she's suffering from terminal underfunding.'

"I'll need you to accompany me to the morgue."

"The feedback on your administrative skills and box ticking potential is excellent. Now we just need to work out what you actually do!"

"We're safe now. The pandemic is over."

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

'...and if your symptoms disappear within three weeks, I'll get a large grant.'

'Hey who approved all this stimulus money for basketball arenas.'

"That yob's putting his dirty feet on my bed!"

'You don't sniff my butt anymore.'

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

"God, I'll never eat another hot dog again after seeing how they're made!"

Renewed calls for GP 'black alert' system amid workload spike

Viktor Orban Tested Negative

'I can't believe they're allowing domestic surveillance!', 'Hey, they're just giving government back to the peephole!'

"I have a rich and generous son who wants to contribute to the heavenly fund."

The GOP repeal and replace plan trips them up.

Brown Nosed.

"More activity and less time spent on the computer might solve your increased bandwidth problem."

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

'Before I eat your brain, would you mind holding a conversation on this mobile for half-an-hour? That should have it done to a turn.'

Finally Debt Free

"What do you think of our new offering buckets Preacher?"