Satirical Comedy Fan Gifts

The Encyclopedia of Job

'Poor old Stanley. He was only 3 months away from paying off his student loan.'

'If we could just work out how to allocate enough medication to sufficient number of wrongly diagnosed non-existent patients who we've never met then we'd be in for a windfall.'

Beware of poker-playing dog

'Satisfied now??'

"Oh, I'm sorry. That procedure isn't covered. Now, spin the wheel to see what you'll pay."

Reincarnation is not kind to lawyers!

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

"My organisation has got a very urgent and important parcel. I can't tell you where to pick it up, I can't tell you where to deliver it and I can't tell you about the content because my organisation is the secret service."

'Yes Sir, I am at this very minute passing on your recommendations for staff wage cuts to the appropriate department'

'We caught him with this up his jumper, trying to join the darts team under false pretences.'

'No, it isn't fair. Life isn't fair. If it was, everything would cost more.'

Torontino Blessing - "Ha! Fucking! Ha!"

Coming Soon: Haunted Homes on 60-foot lots.

Britain considers leaving the EU.

'I asked my doc for a diet plan and it works great - thanks to his usurious bills, I can't afford a car or taxis and that's why I'm losing weight by walking!'

'The smoking section, please.'

Cards Galore.

To his horror the blackmailer remembers that he's dyslexic.

'You got robbed'

'And who told you to give the Holy Shroud a good wash?'

'So doctor, what do the test results say? What are my chances?'

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

"Wow! Royalty is in town...George Bush the Second."

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

The One Demographic that Trump has not yet succeeded in insulting....

"Hold on a second there, Roger; Ken's raised some very good points."

It was the first time that Bob's prayer was heard. And it was the last time.

"This dog is old, sick and useless. Take him and abandon him somewhere in the woods. Take Higgins from accounting with you. He is old, sick, and useless, too."

The REAL Victims of Spam

"...and in this circle the wi-fi is particularly patchy..."

"Get back! I've got a cough and I'm not afraid to use it!"

Je-Hereford's Witnesses

"After gutting and slicing the animal in question we can say with certainty that this is the oldest and the most intelligent creature on this planet...and the last of its kind."

"You can keep that horrible nose if you like. I'll just make your skinny face bigger."