Satirical Comedy Fans Gifts

'I know you didn't actually transact any business, but we do have a $2.00 cover charge.'

You may click here for five hours of simulated waterboarding, or try your password yet again.

'My pension fund, too?'

"Actually, I'm a rogaine catholic."

Before you arrest too many spies, remember that we don't have any nuclear secrets.

"I can't fit these things, but I'm sure it doesn't matter. . ."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"That'll be five bucks."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

End the Winter Blues

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

Trump Poutine

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"The president says there isn't a flood. What's the harm in humoring him?" "Hey! Would somebody pull Lindsey up for air?"

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"You calm down."

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.