Satirical Humor Aficionados Gifts

Remembers: Elevators can go down as well as up.

'They divided everything in half when they divorced.'

Qatar has the death penalty for homosexuals - will you be carrying a rainbow flag, Mr. Infantino?

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

"I flunked out my last semester."

Free market pinata.

'I told you not to call me while I was working.'

'I see the free government birth control bill passed.'

"Back so soon?"

"Okay, Daddy - we heard about the hissy fit you threw at the school board meeting last night!"

GPs requested ambulances will have to provide a score for level of emergency

Hollywood Sign Developers

Life is for the birds.

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Cord cutter

Stairlift around cliff face.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Unemotional Support Animal

Ahh! The sounds of nature! Peep peep. Tweet tweet! Twitter. Croak croak. Sniff sniff. Ribbit. Human nature. Twitter twitter. Tippity tap tap. Cackle cackle! Bleep bleep.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"She's a miniature."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'