Satirical Humor Lovers Gifts

"My child's school is having an auction, so can your entire life come to a halt?"

'I know...It's so nice to finally be able to leave the kids at home without a babysitter, now that they have the means to keep themselves safe.'

"Who's the fairest of them all, not using instagram filters?"

The end is near.

'Bad news Fred. They're stopping my incapacity benefit.'

"It's a great country–just don't get sick."

Antenna Yoga.

Seating arrangements.

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

21st armored segway division.

"The business consultant has ordered a 20% cut in compassion to save money so I'm afraid you'll have to talk to yourself from now on!"

How they were named.

"We shortened the guidelines."

Sago Masochism

'That was the fourth wedding cancellation, today...'

'The big guy wants to see you.'

'Women should stay home and raise their children!'

'Usually we place a great deal of emphasis upon confidentiality for our clients...Unfortunately, the current staffing shortages mean that we've had to adopt a more flexible approach...'

Modern day doomsayer

'I can't promise miracles, but the lung-enhancement surgery should cut, oh, I'd say two or three minutes off your time in the mile.'

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

Guide For Children.

'Right, we've worked out your work skills.'

'no... NO!'

'Of course you ignore me because you've got money and I'm poor... but I love you!'

Generally speaking, people named Aaron have really lazy parents.

'And everywhere Mary goes, I'm sure to follow, using GPS and Google Earth.'

House Prices

'I just wanted you to know how I really feel about you.'

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A MEGALOMANIAC TO WORK HERE, BUT IT SURE DOES HELP!

More Life-Wasting Dross For Your Dumbed-Down Mind

'As it turns out our rights weren't alienable after all.'

Imagine the mess the world woudl be in if we didn't have the best executives money can buy running it.

'Foreign affairs must be getting tense - he ordered call-waiting for the Hot Line.'

'... Is the wrong answer - sit down and await execution'