Satirical Comedy Lovers Gifts

'A true televangelistic miracle'

'You mean there's no money back guaranteed if I'm not satisfied?'

'Go straight down,try to miss the lamp post,mount the kerb,shudder to a halt and...'

I like being on benefits, as it gives me lots of time to work'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

True confessions.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

U of Debt

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Lesser known greek gods,

Crap from the future.

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'