Satirical Comedy Lover Gifts

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'We rape, pillage and kill. THAT'S our corporate mission statement.'

"Afterwards, you'll be receiving a survey. Anything less than a 10 is considered a failure."

"Having consumed them for years, I can assure you, my company's GMO food products are perfectly safe."

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

'So what? -- I don't get to vote either, you know!'

'You can come out now, Harold. Economists say a recession won't happen.'

Arnold had not quite grasped the concept of Damnation!

I don't care if you did win the bloody X-Factor. You're dealing with the H-Factor here.

The Bad News: Fred just signed away his claim. The Good News: The insurance adjuster just qualified for a bonus.

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

"I think he's gone beyond 'pants on fire'!"

Road widening scheme - 'More lanes? No we are just preparing for fatter drivers.'

'Someone give me an opening bid on this valuable homeless shelter.'

'The prisons are full, so I'll just have the city engineers tear up the street in front of your house.'

Man watching TV. Warning says: 'This programme contains very strong language throughout and scenes of a sexual nature, you'll be delighted to know.'

"Don't mind Harry here. He got three consecutive life sentences, but he's already finished two of 'em."

"Okay, so the current occupants are being tormented by supernatural forces, but they do agree to pay closing costs."

"What? You said no cell phones during the meeting. My cell phone is switched off!"

"I don't know when she disappeared... I didn't notice she was gone until yesterday!"

"Get undressed. Remove everything except the mask."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"Why do through the inconvenience of getting a vaccine shot, when we can just do this?"

'For enlightenment, you'll have to see the Guru up there - I'm just the INTERN.'

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

Queen Ranavola of Madagascar executed any of her subjects who appeared in her dreams....

"A horse? I wanted a wall!"

"Honey, the babysitter's here."

"I say 'au revoir' though I don't anticipate ever seeing you again."

Moscow Mitch on the Potomac

"So why do they call you Big Dog?"

Columbus Breaking the Egg.

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

'I was very creative with my accounting, but not creative enough.'

'You've turned fown our 'once in a lifetime' offer, so now I have to kill you.'