Satirical Comic Lover Gifts

Scarecrow holding a sign 'Genetically modified crop', crow comments "Now that is scary"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Now don't panic. Not everything was erased. We still have loads of data on rainfall, upholstery and jaywalking.'

'I'll be removing your appendix and Dr. Otto will assist in removing a portion of your disposable income.'

"We'll contain the coronavirus by building a Great Wall around China. Mexico will pay for it."

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

'You were in commodities - cattle, stuff like that - so you must feel right at home here.'

A nurse refuses to hand deliver a meal to a man with a contagious disease.

"It's like this. If the rich have money, they invest. If the poor have money, they eat."

"My decision is maybe and that's final."

"Look, an app that locates your parked car. I'm going to download that as soon as I remember where I've left my phone."

'Hey! That REALLY hurts!'

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

Things to do today...1. Return Calls. 2. Answer e-mail. 3. Attend meeting with Mr Blomeister...4. Resist tendency to boot lick.

'Maybe I should prescribe a medication with less side effects...'

Wouldn't it be easier if you just took my salary out of my taxes?

'Look at our boss! I hate working for dot-coms.'

'Better make it a double, Jake. I've had a really hard day.'

'Never mind calling Reuters; if these 2 guys announce a merger of equals, I'm calling Ripley's.'

"But I don't want my constituents to vote for the most qualified candidate! I want them to vote for me!"

"You idiot, I'm your first wife."

'Hackers and virus creators seem to be the most successful guys in the computer business,,,We should buy some of their stocks'

'Young man, your handwriting is atrocious!'

'Well, here's a drug that's boiled down the warnings to something you can understand: 'Side effects are real doozies. Best of luck to you.''

"I'm sorry, Wilson, but here at Tastee Cookie Corp. we no longer recognize the Geneva Conventions."

A Christmas Carol. A Winter Vignette. Armstrong Maynard, this humble comic strip's resident Scrooge, is visited by holiday specters. I am x-mas past. I am x-mas present. For a look ahead, press 1. This box is the ghost of Christmas future? Ed's no longer with us. His job went overseas. To speak with a representative, press 2. His name was Ed. The new service isn't bad. Let's get on with it. You, Armstrong Maynard, must remedy your cheap and frugal ways. I'm having trouble taking this seriously.

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

Any ideas for addressing our fifty percent defective product rate besides a "buy one/get one free" sale?

Cashpoint - Default Yes/No

Coronavirus

The Little Prez

"I can't stand your need to control me. I'm leaving you."

"Bob, I want to tap into that part of your brain that wants to lead, that wants to inspire, that wants to stop leaning against my desk,..."

Buy a congressman

Minority Report