Satirical Comic Lover Gifts

Scarecrow holding a sign 'Genetically modified crop', crow comments "Now that is scary"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'Now don't panic. Not everything was erased. We still have loads of data on rainfall, upholstery and jaywalking.'

'I'll be removing your appendix and Dr. Otto will assist in removing a portion of your disposable income.'

"It's like this. If the rich have money, they invest. If the poor have money, they eat."

A nurse refuses to hand deliver a meal to a man with a contagious disease.

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

'You were in commodities - cattle, stuff like that - so you must feel right at home here.'

"We'll contain the coronavirus by building a Great Wall around China. Mexico will pay for it."

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

'Hey! That REALLY hurts!'

"Look, an app that locates your parked car. I'm going to download that as soon as I remember where I've left my phone."

"My decision is maybe and that's final."

'Never mind calling Reuters; if these 2 guys announce a merger of equals, I'm calling Ripley's.'

'Better make it a double, Jake. I've had a really hard day.'

'Maybe I should prescribe a medication with less side effects...'

'Look at our boss! I hate working for dot-coms.'

'Hackers and virus creators seem to be the most successful guys in the computer business,,,We should buy some of their stocks'

Things to do today...1. Return Calls. 2. Answer e-mail. 3. Attend meeting with Mr Blomeister...4. Resist tendency to boot lick.

'Young man, your handwriting is atrocious!'

Wouldn't it be easier if you just took my salary out of my taxes?

'Well, here's a drug that's boiled down the warnings to something you can understand: 'Side effects are real doozies. Best of luck to you.''

"You idiot, I'm your first wife."

"I'm sorry, Wilson, but here at Tastee Cookie Corp. we no longer recognize the Geneva Conventions."

"My love for you is bigger than that, Melanie, which is why I'm able to ignore the restraining order."

"Will there be time to stop at the gift shop?"

Buy a congressman

"Bob, I want to tap into that part of your brain that wants to lead, that wants to inspire, that wants to stop leaning against my desk,..."

"Ever walk into a room and forget why you're there?"

"Lemme get this straight, people can carry you openly, fully loaded, to unleash whatever chaos they want?"

"Thank you for coming in on your day off, minion. It reflects well on your character." "I thought my job depended on it." "I don't know how you got that impression. I would never force you to come in on your day off. That would be illegal." "You said 'Come in on your day off. Your job depends on it.'" "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy... That's just a figure of speech." "You went on to say 'I mean it. That's not just a figure of speech.'" "That was a figure of speech too."

Cashpoint - Default Yes/No

Anger Management Classes.

'I gave you six months to live and you're behind on payments... so I'm giving you six more.'

'You're addicted to diet pills? I have just the pill to get you off that!'