Satirical Comics Lovers Gifts

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

'It's the moral highground occupation force.'

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Snap out of it.'

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

Recipes for comfort drinks.

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

Focus Group Failures

"No offence Jon, but..."

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

'We do have something in Real Estate for an individual who's willing to starve for a year before turning to the office supplies.'

Advent Calender.

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

CEO Bonus - 'Those in favor of my exhorbitant bonus say 'aye'. Those opposed say, 'Good heavens, I've been shot!'

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

"Our battle with Covid-19 has been a triumph."

"Your job could be worse and I'm open to any suggestion to make it so."