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Suspended

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

Minority Report

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"Maybe our beloved founder is trying to tell us something."

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

'It's the moral highground occupation force.'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Snap out of it.'

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

Recipes for comfort drinks.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

Focus Group Failures

"No offence Jon, but..."

'We do have something in Real Estate for an individual who's willing to starve for a year before turning to the office supplies.'

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

A Failiure to Communicate

"Eeeeek!!! My okay to this one night stand must have been faked by Cambridge Analytica!!"

Advent Calender.

A guy who learned everything he needed to know in Kindergarten.

CEO Bonus - 'Those in favor of my exhorbitant bonus say 'aye'. Those opposed say, 'Good heavens, I've been shot!'

"Our battle with Covid-19 has been a triumph."