Satirical Comics Fans Gifts

'Good news! That spot is B-9!'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

End the Winter Blues

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

"You calm down."

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

"I'd like to see you do this online."

Greed.

Telekinetics on strike...

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

Sure, it helps to be a blood-sucking parasite, but that's not all it takes to be a stockbroker...

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

'Snap out of it.'

"So, how's your scary movie?"

You dope! Why would you build our home right next to a power plant?

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

'Ants of all lands, unite!'

"Is your dog friendly?"

Death Styles of the Rich and Famous

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"Don't worry, Emily. . . I'm woke and you're woke, so I'm sure our baby will turn out woke!"

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'

'So, then.... you don't LIKE life in the fast lane?'

Rudy Park Enterprises regrets to announce the end to a brief experiment aimed at combining the popular and irrepressible talk show phenomenon Sadie Cohen with a background beat of powerful and thrilling house music. In fact, our ratings soared during our experiment. Revenue shot up 17.5 percent. Advertisers loved it. Our decision to cancel the experiment in no way reflects any error of management. Rather, it was a raging success reflective of our forward thinking management. In the end, though,

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'