Comedy Lover Gifts

"I don't care if she is a tape dispenser. I love her."

'Hi ? I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help you.'

"Good beard."..."Nice beard."..."Good beard."..."Great beard."..."Good beard."

'Naughty, nice, nice, nice, naughty, nice. This you call a business plan?'

"Yes, Jeffrey, it too brave men to settle the West. But it also took a particular kind of courage to stay right here in Darien."

A couple watches as a frog in a wheelchair exits a restaurant's kitchen near a sign that says "Try our Frog's legs".

1715: Newton discovers gravel.

The blindfolded raft building team exercise ended in disaster for the snowman group.

"The bidding will start at eleven million dollars."

King Lear and his Accoutant

'Oh no - a Highwayman!'

"We just haven't been flapping them hard enough."

"All these years, and you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said, have you?"

"He passed the sobriety test. Now I think he's just showing off."

Mountain-bike Goat.

"You had good intentions. Let's find you a nice job paving roads."

"Can I borrow those kittens for an hour? I want to freak out the people who had me spayed."

'Keep still, this won't hurt a bit.'

"There's your problem."

"When Dr. Henderson comes in, everybody play dead."

'Unfortunately, the paper trail led to the shredder.'

"Looking good!"

"Thank you. You've been a great audience."

'Someday I'm going to quite this dam job.'

"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."

"It's like I'm actually walking."

"I happen to think the blue light of the TV screen is very romantic."

No soliciting - especially if it's for a good cause.

Unfortunate Sky Diving Partner.

"Now that I'm here, could you tell me what that was all about."

'I'm having second thoughts about the health benefits of acupuncture.'

"Today's gonna be different- I can feel it!"

"No, you're not in a box. You're in an exit row. And I need you to acknowledge that verbally."

Aliens fish for a man who is fishing.

Crime in the theater district was the worst. Too much drama: 'okay good, now wiggle your fingers and sway back and forth in the wind.'