Comedy Lovers Gifts

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

Indian burial ground.

"Go with two-iron, Kemosabe - distance in desert not what it seems."

'We may well be looking at the straw that broke the camel's back.'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"You look tired. Have you been sawing another woman?"

Escalator joust.

"Sorry, but we left your heart in San Francisco."

'Book me a Greek holiday - I want to break plates!'

'Our names aren't here so let's go for a drink!'

A Student Driver Meets a Learning Curve

'Son, your teacher told me that you're having trouble focusing and other things that I zoned out on...'

Self-Help Books / Fixing Others.

'For show and tell I've brought individual credit reports on the entire faculty that I've downloaded from the internet.'

'Welcome! I'm sure you'll fit in nicely!'

'It's ok, I'm a florist'

'I begun like you, with nothing but my bare hands. Look at me now! Only 25 years later, I'm begging with my own hat! Geez, I love this country! Everybody can make it here!'

"I'm warning you - peas and carrots are gateway vegetables."

'On a positive note, video of the incident has gone on to become an internet sensation.'

'This is going to be a level three.'

"I've never seen Mom this angry before."

'Is my homeowners policy covered for global warming?'

Daylight Savings Time comes to Stonehenge.

'Woman hits man on head with handbag while he speaks on his mobile phone.'

Short sighted pirates being turned away from a Pilates class.

"Well, partner, we're either going to be the greatest team ever to hit town or we're going to end up killing each other."

'That's Samuelson. He's been with the company since Day One!'

"Spork."

'Jack, can you prove that Harrison stabbed you in the back?'

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

'Hey! -- Don't go adding disclaimers!'

Future Site of the Procrastination Help Centre - Opening Fall of 1996

MA Certificate - Master of Alcohol.

"Mum, Dad, good news! My IQ test proved negative"

'There's a renewable source the government should use.'