Humor Lovers Gifts

Santa Claus reads a newspaper while Rudolph's head is mounted on a wall behind him.

"Liquor, gamblin', broads, tobacco. What's the Q stand for?"

"It's true. You were actually born a beautiful princess, but you were given to us to be brought up... and there's not a damned thing you can do about it!"

"This is your wake-up call - change or die."

"That's strange. I remember it differently, in a way that aligns with my world view and casts me in a positive light."

At Ireland's oldst and most respected school of dance, Mrs O'Hara made a terrible discovery... (Book entitled 'The book of Irish dancing vol. 2 - How to incorporate the arms')

"I had to do it, Jeb. He was grilling zucchini."

You should have come in sooner.

Cat gives bird Valentine's Card.

A classroom full of young children; a schedule board in the background lists the day's activities which include: circle time, art fun, snack and S.A.T. prep.

Multitasking Monkey

Sportscasters on the Savannah

Trendy new La Croix flavors

'Most of your support comes from short, bald, cigar smoking, fat men.'

Evolve at your own risk

"If I die first, you should remarry. If you die first, I'll get a dog."

Inside Baseballs

"Anywhere with ice...a lot of ice."

'When I asked if you were flexible, Mrs. Harkness, I was asking about your hours!'

'This 'wheel' thing of yours - does it have to be round or will any shape do?'

'Look,if you're going to hang out with us, first thing you gotta' do is lose the bell.'

'I warned him. 'Don't text and drive' ... He wouldn't listen.'

"The ones just out of law school are especially frolicsome."

'Forget about building a web and waiting: Let's be proactive!'

Back Seat Driver

'Doctor, I'm tired all the time.'

Age is a matter of perspective.

Fat Cat & Accountant - 'How much tax can I avoid by becoming a Philanthropist?'

'Relax, lady, I'm out of the baby business. Now I work for UPS.

Palliative care for worms.

'Anything else besides shortness of breath?'

"In order to save time and money on coffee and bathroom breaks, I've streamlined the process..."

Scared as Hell Airlines.

'I connected my food processor to my computer, in case I have to eat my words.'

"Jason, I'd like to let you play, but soccer is a girls' game."